Should Marriage Be Temporary?

When a union is as expensive and messy to get out of as marriage, why does it have to be life-long?

The more I settle into my queer identity, the more the traditional archetype of what “home” and “family” looks like for me continues to deviate from the heteronormative standard. My partner and I are pretty ambivalent towards marriage. While we understand the material benefits of a legal union, the thought of tying ourselves into something lifelong that’s expensive and messy to get out of if it doesn’t work seems…flawed. I find myself coming back to the same question each time: Why does marriage need to be a life-long commitment?

Let’s paint a picture.

After a long and wonderful dating period, you decide that the person you’ve been enjoying your life with thus far is it. They’re your endgame. You are deeply in love with your partner and have a beautiful wedding in exactly the type of ceremony you desire. Everything goes perfectly. Five to ten years later, you get a letter in the mail stating that it’s time to renew your marriage license.

For those lucky enough to have found a life-long partner, nothing really needs to change. You and your spouse go down to the county clerk’s office, sign a piece of paper that says, “Yeah, we’re gonna keep doing this,” and are presented with an updated marriage certificate that’s good for another decade. Not unlike a trip to the DMV every few years.

(Or if you’re the extravagant type, you may even turn the renewal into another excuse to wear your wedding dress.)

Instead, with a temporary marriage, a couple of years could pass, and (after some hard conversations) you…

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